It is eighteen months since my one and only love went to his eternal home. So much has changed in my life since that day. For the first year of grieving, I was overwhelmed by the outpouring of care and love showered on me. My life was changing radically. I continued to work with my theatre group, the Jewels of deNial, but our gigs weren’t as frequent as they had been. Later in that year I decided to say “no” to performing any longer. It was a tough decision, but one I had been thinking about for a long time. I do continue to write episodes for the group.

It seems the first year without someone you love not only leaves you feeling like part of you is no longer there, but we press on because we know that we will see them again. That has been the sustaining element for me. In this second year of grieving, I am constantly making adjustments to my living. Not only has my age slowed me down, but my body is clearly demonstrating that it can’t continue at the energy level I once was blessed with. I’m learning to enjoy the little things. I think that started during the last few months of Paul’s life. Our little road trips gave me a peek at what glory exists in nature and how God speaks to us through it.

I have much too much time to think and dwell on things. I’ve never been one to sit still for too long, but now I realize that I must. My mind is still filled with ideas and untold stories, which eventually will be written down. For now, I’ve begun to paint again. Those in my life are going through difficult journeys of their own. Health issues, financial problems, relationship and family difficulties – in other words, life goes on. We move from one stage of living to the next and then we die.

With all this time on my hands, I’m remembering Paul’s words to me when I’d look out the window and see something that had to be done outside. “Don’t look at what needs to be done. Look at the blessings God has given us through the beauty of what He’s already done.” I really miss his encouragement. Tears fall at the most unusual times and I know they will continue. Still, I can feel his presence through his art, his words, his love of God and his quirky personality.

God is good. He has given me opportunities to share the blessings He’s bestowed on me through my writing. He’s sustained me, even when I wondered how I’d survive alone. He’s given me a family that supports, loves and encourages me. I will never stop loving the man of my dreams. I know we will be together again.

THANK YOU, JESUS, FOR ANOTHER DAY!