TRANSPARENCY means to be completely honest – to wear your heart on your sleeve – to show responsibility and respect for others – to create a feeling of trust with another person. These are all definitions which apply to me lately. Most of the time I’ve kept my problems to myself. I don’t often express how I really feel – I hold back tears and try to put on a good front. How about you? Do you bare your soul to your friends? Do you share your fears and problems? Do you trust another person to see what you’re going through – to see right through you? Most folks feel it’s better to keep those feelings to yourself, so they hold them in and suffer for it.

This world of ours is filled with darkness. We don’t know who to trust. The whole political scene has been a source of hidden agendas and secrets for years and years. Even those we trust our lives to aren’t always what we think. Medical institutions have become big business. Churches are not preaching the true Word of God. We form preconceived ideas about people we do business with. We set up boundaries to safeguard our lives and trust becomes a thing of the past.

Today, I am going to be transparent. I have days when tears flow like a river. I don’t know what triggers them, but suddenly – for no apparent reason – there they are. I have times when I doubt my faith. Do I have enough faith to honor God -to trust in His will – to give my sadness to? Are my prayers heard? Does God understand my sadness and fears? Can I face a life alone? Can I continue to share my life with others? Should I? These are just a few of the questions running through my head.

God has promised that I am loved, saved, His child, an heir of heaven – but truthfully there are days when that isn’t enough. Why do we struggle so, when God has kept His word from the beginning? I believe that the trials we experience are designed to draw us closer to Him. Then suddenly my mind turns to the future and what comes next. I start to doubt, to fear, to tremble, to give up, to cry, to get angry for my circumstances. When we try to figure everything out for ourselves, it’s time to turn to our Creator first. He has invited us to call on Him in times of trouble. He has fulfilled His promise to provide us with all the blessings we need. He gives us hope for the future and will fill us with wisdom, strength and hope when we ask Him for it.

So, do you see me now or am I not being transparent enough? OK, here’s some more. Aging has changed the way I look at things. I read things into situations I see going on around me. I see bad behavior, hear filthy language, morality in the sewer and I wonder what will happen to this country of ours. All of the troubles of this world are beyond my control. I will continue to cry without cause. I will worry about the future until I die. I will care about my family and friends and worry when they go through difficulties, but God will still be with me. I am loved, saved and an heir to his heavenly realm. He, alone is my transparency.