Last night, we topped off our Friday with a visit to our favorite pizza place. This has been a mainstay for us and holds many memories of good times, good conversation and good food. Yesterday, was another of those chapters in this new journey we’re on with Cancer. A visit to palliative care, which lasted for 80 minutes, described exactly how this program works in helping us through some of the struggles of this disease. There is a complete staff at our disposal of social workers, nurses, doctors, emergency care, home health care and help for the families of those going through cancer. Paul, with the help of God, family, friends and prayer, has determined not to pursue further treatment for his illness. He has been struggling with his health on many levels for almost three years now, with the last year opening doors to serious issues that could also take his life. We’ve all made peace with this decision and are counting on God’s continuing care for all of us as we take this final step.

Giving things over to God is not an easy task. We try so hard to manage our lives with all our might. We want to be a part of the task. We forget that God has already laid out the plan and knows the outcome. In making this decision, it was like giving complete control to God. That final surrender that takes a lifetime to relinquish. I keep thinking of Jacob as he wrestled with God so many centuries ago. Did he really think he had a chance of winning? God loved him enough to save his life but left him with a disability that he carried with him as a reminder of his confrontation. When we try to manage things completely on our own, our decisions don’t always take us in the right direction. When we allow God to lead the way, we are guaranteed a perfect result.

Now is the time for complete trust. We are not discounting the fact that God can restore Paul’s health and give him many more years of living, but in the meantime, we’re doing what we do best – together. Our little journeys and visits with old friends are creating new memories of hope and faith. There are still tears – a mountain of them – as I try to imagine my life without him, but I know that God has that all figured out too. Trust is based on an intimate relationship. We have that connection when we rely on our God to walk with us all the way.