Here it is, January 7th, 2020 – a year I never thought I’d reach, but God had other thoughts. I’ve never seemed to have a problem with writer’s block, but I am an author with “publishing block.” I’ve published one book in my life. It was a self-published book which was mainly intended as a legacy for my family to read some day. The story was and autobiography, mixed with humor and a whole lot of faith. When I got deep into some of the darker parts if my life, I put the work away. It sat for a number of years.
You see, I have this fear of rejection, which shouldn’t be part of the equation when you self-publish. The problem is I also have a fear of investing my meager dollars into something as unreliable as publishing my own work.
So much for my excuses. The truth is I have written a novel. I sweat over this story for a number of years, using all my gifts of developing interesting, conflicted, unusual characters – skill I attained over years of acting and writing plays. I believe characters are everything on both sides of the performing stage. I assumed this would be true in the writing of a book of fiction. I had no trouble defining my characters and their unique situations, but I fell short in the telling of the story. I created more characters than necessary. I fell into a trap of too many side stories which really didn’t pertain to the actual flow of the main theme. I had no idea that such a work would be so all-consuming.
My husband, the artist, assures me that everything is a work in progress. Sometimes we need to tweak or alter our thinking to make the most of it. Sometimes that never happens and we are left to abandoning it for a while. When we come back to it in a few years, our eyes will be fresh and have found the answers we struggled over for so long.
The mentality of finding instant success in our art is really quite a pie in the sky attitude. Yet when we believe in something, we shouldn’t hesitate because of fear of rejection or the loss of a few bucks.
One of my New Year hopes is to finally submit this work to a publisher. For this, I need a good swift kick in the pants or it’s back to the drawing board. In either case, I will never give up.