OK, so the after the holidays diet started out pretty good. I even lost a couple pounds. Then Sunday came and my church is big on snacks so that got me started again. It began with a small caramel and dark chocolate piece of candy and that was the end of it.
So here we are at the beginning of February and I’m still fat. I don’t know really. I used to be able to blame my fat tummy on baby weight. I had three of them, but the last time was 46 years ago, so that excuse is losing relevance. I can’t even see my stretch marks anymore and my belly button is long gone.
There are countless diets out there – each one requiring that you eat a certain way until the fat is gone. Then you can eat again and gain back what you lost and add a few additional pounds. Commercials on TV show before and after bodies, and you truly see a remarkable difference if you opt for diet A. Then when you look at your own before and after pictures, you weep.
Then there’s the option of having the fat sucked out of you. I wonder what they do with all that sucked fat. I mean, you’d think there would be a way to recycle it. They’d need to store mine in a semi.
They have a special offer to do one area free. Now that sounds interesting. You go in and have one hip sucked out and one is left the way it was. This could create some very unusual looking bodies. How do you explain that to your friends?
Cool sculpting is also an option. I wonder how that works. Do you suppose they put you in a refrigerated meat locker alongside the pork chops and dead chickens? Maybe they stuff you in one of those cryogenic machines and in twenty years you come out thin. It all sounds very expensive.
So I try to convince myself that eliminating carbs and sugar are going to help. Then I read that there are carbs in just about anything we eat. Besides, I’m not giving up my daily scoop of ice cream before bed. It helps me sleep!
So, I’m done making excuses. I will begin again and again and again. You’d think you wouldn’t have to worry about excess weight when you’re 76, but I’ve been doing it all my life. Heaven help me!