I love the way children’s minds work. I find myself having some of these same thoughts when I was a kid – how the words I heard didn’t always mean what I thought they did.  Some very interesting interpretations have taken place over the years.  For example, when my third child, Joy, was born, my son noticed her umbilical cord and said, “We’re singing about her in church – Joy full of cord.”

Here are a few very funny comments from kids.

  • David was good at playing the liar.
  • Solomon had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
  • Joshua fought the battle of Geritol.
  • The Passover feast was unleavened bread, which meant it had no ingredients.
  • God split the Adam and created Eve.
  • Mary gave birth to Jesus because of an immaculate contraption.
  • Adam and Eve were created out of an apple tree.
  • Noah’s wife was named Joan of Ark.
  • Methuselah was Noah’s grandpa and he lived to be like a million or something.
  • Moses looked at the burning bush and fried his hair.
  • Jacob had an son named Joseph who wore a flashy sports coat.
  • Moses real name was Charlton Heston and he led the Israel lights out of Egypt.
  • When they were in the desert all they had to eat was manicotti.
  • Moses died before he ever reached Canada.
  • Lot’s wife turned into a salt lick when she turned around to watch her town go up in flames.
  • There were a bunch of major league prophets and some minor ones too.
  • Jesus had lots of arguments with Pharisees and Republicans.
  • Jesus healed a bunch of leopards and there were also some Germans on the Mount.
  • Jesus also had twelve opossums. The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil that they named a terrible vegetable after him.
  • When Mary heard she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.

These interpretations may not be exactly right, but telling the stories is. Be sure your children have the opportunity to hear all of them.



As I reach the end of my years, I find I have a lot of good information stored up in this old decrepit mind of mine. If I don't write it all down, it may vanish and no one will have the advantage of my thoughts. This is why this blog exists. I love the Lord, Jesus with all my heart and soul. I know I'm undeserving of all He's done for me, but I also know that His love is beyond my comprehension. I've always wanted to write. I never kept diaries, but tucked my thoughts in my head for future reference. I use them now in creating stories, plays, poetry and my blog. I continue to learn every day. I believe the compilation of our time spent with God will have huge affect on the way we live. I know I'm a sinner and I need a Savior. I have One through Jesus, Christ. My book, "Stages - a memoir," is about the seven stages of life from the perspective of a woman. It addresses all the things girls and women go through in life as they travel it with Jesus, and it is available on
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4 Responses to KIDS ON THE BIBLE

  1. LOL The asparagus one is very funny although I think they are delicious!
    Did you hear the hymn about ‘Gladly the cross-eyed Bear’?
    Or did you know that Joseph had a small pet? He was told to take Mary, the baby and flea to Egypt?
    I also love that Moses was a racing car driver – he came forth in his Triumph. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  2. sarahlawsons says:

    I was teaching Bible verses in Awana and this was about how it went
    Me: “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son..”
    Child: For God so loved the world that He gave His only forgotten Son..”
    Me: ” it is begotten, not forgotten”
    Child: For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son…”
    Me: “Good job, so what did God do?”
    Child: “He forgot His Son”


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