You can’t imagine what it was like. I was scorned by friends and neighbors. My husband even made me feel responsible for my not producing an heir – a bloodline which would eventually lead to the birth of the Messiah. There were other reasons. We had much work to do. Our sheep needed tending, the goats had to be milked, the fields of wheat had to be threshed. All of that required the need of young, strong sons and daughters.
For years and years these feelings of incompetency plagued me. My womb was empty and when my time of conception passed, my heart was empty as well. I’d never have the joy of holding my own children in my arms. Never would I watch them grow into toddlers, teens and adults. I felt useless, lonely, bullied, turned aside until finally I was led to offering my servant, Hagar to my husband. She would produce the necessary child, but my insufficiency would continue.
When Hagar proved to be the mother of Abram’s first son, my jealousy burned within me. I’d never felt this way about another person, but now the “other woman” had destroyed the stigma attached to Abram’s reputation. I would remain childless and scorned.
I remembered the early years of our marriage. I was young and beautiful then. So much so, that Abram insisted on calling me his sister for fear that other men would desire me and cause me shame. It seems my entire life was filled with shame. Still I knew that my husband loved me and treasured me as his wife. I wished with all my heart that I could fill the void that eluded our marriage.
My jealousy of Hagar tugged at my heart and I begged Abram to send her and her bastard son away. Eventually he did. I was well in my 80s when this all came to pass. It wasn’t easy for my husband, but having her and the boy in my presence was just too much to bear. I’d reached my boiling point.
It was only natural for me to laugh when I heard that God promised to cause a child to come from my body in my old age. How could I possibly carry a child for nine months, with a back burdened with the aches and pains of 90 years of living? How would I be able to keep up with a toddler?
Still, this was the Lord’s plan – His timing – His blueprint for the nation of Israel. I did conceive and bear a son. We named him Isaac, because his name meant “laughter.” Upon hearing the news, I laughed, because of a lack of faith. When the promise was fulfilled and I gave birth to a son, I laughed, because of the great joy I felt. From that time on, Abram became Abraham and I, Sarah. God promised that out of us, many nations would come. Our line would eventually bring forth the greatest man to walk the face of the earth – the Messiah.
God’s Word is true and He always keeps His promises.