This has been quite a week for trying to stay positive. National and world news have most of us scratching our heads and wondering why. I’ve tried to overcome the headlines by posting some of Paul’s art. I’ve just about completed my series of short stories on various people living in the time Jesus walked this earth. I try to maintain my sense of humor by coming up with new script ideas for the Jewels of deNial. It’s hard to think funny when the world is anything but funny. So, for this last day of the work week, I’ve decided to focus on some funny concepts that parents give to their kids as words of advice. Those phrases have undoubtedly changed over time, but they’re all priceless and should bring a chuckle or two.

• “Don’t eat so much. You might explode.” When I heard that phrase as a child, I imagined taking the last bite from my plate and blowing up like a firework on the 4th of July. Little pieces of me would be scattered everywhere.
• “Don’t make that face. It’s going to stay that way.” Well, there was some truth to that one. I was always making funny faces as a kid. It became my brand. Thus, I have achieved a gigantic road map on my face, full of lines that lead to nowhere. I started to wrinkle when I turned 30.
• “Don’t sit on concrete. You’ll get piles.” In the first place I had no idea what piles were. All I could imagine was having a giant growth of concrete attached to my body. BTW if you don’t know what piles are – don’t ask.
• There’s always the elderly relative that says, “If so and so saw what you just did, they’d be rolling over in their grave.” I don’t think rolling over in a grave is really an option, but I didn’t know that when I was 4.
• “Don’t eat so many sweets. Your teeth will fall out – or you’ll get worms.” Good grief! Can you imagine the picture created by that statement? Think of a toothless kid with worms crawling in and out of eyes, nose, mouth, etc. Yikes!
• Here’s another one pertaining to food. “Be sure to clean your plate. There are kids starving in China.” First, they tell you you’re going to explode from overeating, then they let you know about starving kids living so far away from you. How will they benefit from the little left on my plate?
• When I was told it was so hot out, you could fry an egg on the sidewalk, I wanted to try it. Someone once suggested that if you put your tongue on a metal flagpole in the winter, it would stick. Both of those ideas beckoned me to try, but then the little warning flags flew into my brain.
• When a parent says, “Stop it or else!” what does or else mean. Or if they tell you not to cry, or keep your chin up, or children should be seen and not heard – those are signals or warning flags that get kids motivated to do exactly the opposite of what was originally intended.

I hope this sampling of old sayings gives you a smile or two. We need to relax and enjoy life a lot more than we do. It might take some hard work to make that happen, but no pain – no gain.

The attitude you have as a parent is what your kids will learn from, more than what you tell them.” Jim Henson