When I turned 21, my world seemed perfect. I was going to be married within a year. All the arrangements had been made. My father kept asking how many people were going to attend and kept a tally up until the day of the wedding, so he would know how much he’d have to fork over to the event center. I, on the other hand, was oblivious to anything other than finally becoming my own person. I still lived with my parents. I’d never lived on my own. I wanted my independence. During that year of waiting, the company I worked for was held up by two armed robbers. My life was now turned upside down. I was convinced that I’d never live beyond my 21st year. The thieves knew we had money on hand. I was the cashier on duty – the one they first approached. They ordered everyone to hit the floor, except for me. I struggled to open my cash drawer. The lock wouldn’t turn. My life flashed before my eyes. I knew I was going to die. Instead, I was told to get down on the floor and they broke the drawer open. I survived to tell this story.

There were many other tales similar to this one. For many years, I wondered how God could allow things to happen that made me anxious, frightened or worried. I knew He existed, but my image of Him was that of an angry, jealous God.  I was terrified of Him. Each Sunday, I’d watch our aging pastor rise to the pulpit and spew words that would add to my fear. At the end of each sermon of fire and brimstone, he would almost whisper, “but by the grace of God, you are saved.” The fear of God was growing inside me. I attended Christian schools all the way through my senior year in high school. I did what was expected of me, yet in the back of my mind, I never thought it as enough. I could never measure up to God. 

The man I married is a great example of what a Christian life should be. I thank God every day that He placed Paul in my life. I would not have survived without him. I was easily swayed by what was happening in our world at that time. Racial injustice, women’s rights, war and rumors of more, declining economy and so many tough things to ponder at such a young age. There were little things being woven in the tapestry of my life that would eventually lead me to a real connection to a loving God. Things like watching the birth of my three children. Praying with them during a tornado that just missed our house. Seeing my husband build a business that would include Christian values and ethics. Being reminded by my oldest daughter how he would start each morning at work in prayer and devotion. She was witness to this when she worked for him one summer. These tiny things made a huge difference. Each one of those incidents was molding me along the way. Troubles came. Financial issues always seemed to top the list. We struggled to get through. Illness came too. Children were hospitalized a few times, and of course there were the many trips to the ER. Not to mention several possible death experiences for both my husband and me. It seemed this journey was shaping that frightened little girl into a woman of faith. 

Through this life, I’ve learned that God is not a terrifying judge who has already determined my fate. I’ve learned to put my trust in Him to lead me in the right direction, since I can’t do that alone. I’ve been so blessed to have a godly husband, who helped me to find Jesus. Whether we’re just little ones, who seem so innocent; middle-aged adults who struggle through life’s challenges and problems; or those of us in the “golden” years of aging – we all need Jesus. He is the true Son of God, who took on human flesh to become our brother, our friend, our Savior. He loved us so much that He died for us. Because He is also true God, He rose from death and promised to prepare a place for us in heaven. He’s always been there for me. I didn’t always recognize Him, but looking back, I can see times when He was right beside me all the way. 

1 John 3:1 ESV ”See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are. The reason why the world does not know us is that it did not know him.”