• ‘I was going to give him a nasty look, but he already had one.

• O’Gara was arrested and sent for trial for armed bank robbery.
  After due deliberation, the jury foreman stood up and announced, ‘Not guilty.’
  ‘That’s grand,’ shouted O’Gara, ‘Does that mean I get to keep the money?

• ‘Reilly is walking through a graveyard when he comes across a headstone with the inscription “Here lies a politician and an honest man.” ‘Faith now,’ exclaims Reilly, ‘I wonder how they got the two of them in one grave.

• ‘Hello, Mary, how’s your new false teeth?’ asked Bridget. ‘I’m leaving them out till I get used to them!’ said Mary.

• An American lawyer inquired, ‘Paddy, why is it that whenever you ask an Irishman a question, he answers with another question?’
  ‘Who told you that?’ asked Paddy.

• An Irish lass, a customer: ‘Could I be trying on that dress in the window?’
  Shopkeeper: ‘I’d prefer that you use the dressing room.’

•  Mrs. Feeney shouted from the kitchen, ‘Is that you I hear spittin’ in the vase on the mantel piece?’
  ‘No,’ said himself, ‘but I’m gettin’ closer all the time.’

‘O’Halloran,’ asked the pharmacist, ‘did that mudpack I gave you improve your wife’s appearance?’
‘It did surely,’ replied O’Halloran, ‘but it keeps fallin’ off.’

HAPPY ST. PATRICK’S DAY!