ART & POETRY BY PAUL & KATHY BOECHER

The promises of streets of gold and no more tears to shed,
Hope for peace and quiet times – no fear of falling dead,
The feast that goes on day and night and never fails to please,
A life of independence and of everlasting ease.

It has been almost seven complete months since my husband went to his heavenly home. During the early days of grieving, I was given many books to read about the process of facing death and what to expect with the outcome. It seems that everyone goes through this at different times and in different ways. This week, I’m going to delve into those steps each day and try to pass along what I’ve discovered along the way. The first step in the process of grieving is denial & isolation. Personally, my experience isn’t the same as everyone else’s. It doesn’t make sense to put people into pigeonholes, but sometimes it’s helpful to see how others deal with grief, so we know how to cope.

Denial & Isolation – When we first experience loss of any kind, we go through a period of denial.  Losing someone dear to most isn’t easy. We don’t want to admit our feelings of loss, so we isolate ourselves from others and pull deeper within.  We don’t want to listen to the words of comfort, because we don’t believe them.  We grow further away from those who cherish us. Even when the one we lose has gone through a long battle of illness, we try to convince ourselves that it’s for the best. Those words of comfort aren’t going to mean much to someone who has just experienced the death of a loved one. We’re stunned by the magnitude of the situation.  Emotions are numbed by feeling we should be prepared for the unknown. In my case, I felt a certain relief that my husband had entered the heavenly realms. That his pain and suffering were over, but at the same time I wanted to hang onto him for the rest of my life.

My family was a great help during this time of grieving. They made sure I didn’t retreat into isolation. I pushed myself too. Instead of hiding, I continued to write each day. I discovered inspiration from Paul’s many paintings for my daily blog. I felt connected to him by doing so. Acceptance wasn’t really an issue for me, because I knew that death isn’t the end for those who love God. I knew where this man was going, because of what both of us believed. I also know that Jesus wept when he heard that his dear friend died. When we allow those tears to fall, we are releasing endorphins. In turn those endorphins get rid of the stresses that set in. We can’t hold back tears, but keeping busy allowed me to focus on other things. Looking back at special times we shared together was also a comfort. I learned that in the last year of our journey. One important thing to both of us, was to create memories of those last days and how they were spent.

Like I said at the beginning of this post, everyone is different. We don’t all grieve in the same manner or at the same time. These are simple guidelines to help us along the way. Knowing that God is with us through everything we encounter in our lives, gives us great peace and comfort.