A year ago, we were beginning to experience what Palliative care is. It is defined as treatment for those with terminal diseases of a chronic nature, which continue until death. In a way, each step closer becomes more and more anticipated. For those who know that the One who created us and breathed life into us and is with us throughout our lifetime journey, has the ability to snuff out that life and resurrect it again after we take our final breath. About a month ago, my husband took the next step to Hospice care. This would seem to be the beginning of the end. A few years back, Hospice was considered the beginning of the end, but today it means that the patient is set on a path away from the anxiety of doctor’s appointments and medications. Hospice allows the patient to be treated with compassionate, tender and loving care at home. It’s a transition period, which allows for those final days to be as good as they can be.
The Cancer journey began in 2011 with the onset of Prostate Cancer and radiation treatments which took its toll on his strength and energy level. This once super energetic, feisty, strong, creative and faithful servant of God was slowly succumbing to the effects of the fight. Still His faith continues and both of us know that heaven is getting closer each day. During those years, other health issues entered the picture. A small stroke led to another. An aneurysm in the brain is a constant concern. He has a faulty heart valve. Replacing it would be detrimental to any of the other physical problems. There are many other issues which counteract each other when considering how to approach them. The decision not to have any treatment seemed like the only option. It has been a year since the Cancer metastasized to a tumor behind his esophagus,
As I started writing this post, I had hoped to relay the positive side of this journey, but up until now it sounds more like a complex medical report. The most difficult thing for me personally has been being able to surrender to God’s will. I still have days when I wonder what I should be praying for. I know that God is in control and yet, there is so much I wish I could do to intercede. At that point, I began to realize that we are not in charge of our destiny. God created each individual for a purpose, whether it is in sickness, health, life or death. Before we were conceived, He knew us and had laid out the plan for our lives. Knowing that, makes it much easier to let go, but human nature continues to fight and make us want to be involved in the process.
In this year, we have found joy in the little things. We continue to take little road trips – which are getting shorter each day. Getting into God’s creation has always been rejuvenating for both of us. We have an amazing family who supports our choices. They have shown their faith through their actions. We have a great support team at our little country church, comprised of mostly over age 60 members. We have a wonderful community of those who touched our lives throughout our careers, our successes and our losses. We are truly blessed in so many ways.
Any kind of chronic disease is going to wreak havoc. It often becomes like a time in the wilderness where all our emotions are tested. We can go from periods of joy to the depths of despair in just minutes. We can feel optimistic and full of dread at the same time. Tears fall. Hurt continues. Worry about future events is always in the picture. The hope of a resurrected body, without pain, suffering, tears or sadness, doesn’t always make you feel better, but it certainly is something to look forward to. God is so good. He has blessed us in so many ways. Life is uncertain, but God is constant and unchanging. He alone can lead us through any difficulty.
Psalm 23:4 ESV “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.”
atimetoshare.me 
Hi Kathy – thanks for sharing your situation. The Lord allows us to empathise. I’m reminded of Paul’s words in I Corinthians 6/ 3-11.
And especially the phrase: ‘…sorrowful yet always rejoicing’. Our natural man as you say can rise and fall emotionally like the tidal waves. But in it our wills are fixed on Jesu’s blood and righteousness. As we dare not trust the weakest frame but wholly lean on His Great Name.
You have it in you sister in The Person of Jesus the Christ – to hold on to His promises for your creative husband.
Lord fill my sister with your eternal perspective. Amen.
Praying for you both
Love in Jesus Ken and wife Aly 🙏🏼❤️
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Thank you for these reassuring words. Jesus is indeed the only ONE who changes everything. I’m praying that he makes this journey with as little pain as possible.
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Kathy,
Praying for you and your hubby. Relish each day that your together this side of Heaven.
Don
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Thank you, Don. We’re trying to find something positive to do each day. We appreciate all the prayers of people like you.
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Praying for the both of you. Your attitude towards the struggle and your courage are inspiring. I suspect it’s hard to share, but thank you so much for sharing. Gives me lots to think about and how I want to prepare and treat others when I reach this moment. Thank you and God bless.
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Thank you Brian. Nothing can prepare you for the loss of a loved one, but we know that this is not our final home. We have a whole other life to look forward to in heaven. That fact is enough to endure just about anything.
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Dear Kathy, it has been four years since Jerry and I came to the end of this dark tunnel. On one special occasion, I reminded him that there was light at the end. His comment, which was so like him, was, “Are you sure it is not a locomotive?” I answered, “Yes, I am sure.” You and Paul both know this and you are witnesses to others of the truth of an endless life — in Christ, but a breath and a closing of the eyes, to open in glory with our Father and our Lord.
Knowing the trial you are experiencing, I am praising Him for you and your blessing to others. I pray you know assuredly the power of His presence with you as you trudge these last miles together. We can still praise Him and rejoice in the most desperate times. Much love, prayers, and blessings for each day. Fran
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Thank you so much for your kindness and encouraging words. When we have the assurance of a new life without any of the problems of this planet, we can rejoice even in times of loss and despair, God blesses us in so many ways. If we can share our feelings during this time, maybe that’s our purpose right now. As you know, however, the thought of losing someone we love is not only frightening, but at times makes us feel hopeless and helpless. That’s when we turn to God. He alone can heal all wounds.
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Our Father reveals Himself in a way He can’t before we suffer the loss of a spouse. As ‘one-flesh,’ we experience a tearing away of our own being. But, in His timing, He more than fills the void — becoming very life to us. We need Him as our Father more than we have ever needed Him. He has betrothed us to His Son forever, but while here, we need a Father.. At His worst time, Jesus told His disciples, “I am not alone. My Father is with me.” We fill many roles in this life, but we come into this world a daughter and leave as a daughter.
His love to us is greater than any other love and more than at any other time. I praise Him that you know Him, now, and will know Him better during your loss. You can praise Him that He will be with Paul now and with you afterward. Much love and blessings.
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Thank you for your words of wisdom. Knowing that our God never changes, even though our circumstances are in a constant state of flux, is what I’m placing my trust in. In Christ alone, my hope is found.
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Mama K, I’m so sorry for the long journey of all of this. You know I understand and my heart and prayers are with you both. You’re an example of embracing the faith; even in the unknown. And that’s what I’m continuing to do. We are all tested, indeed! We can feel the joy and sadness at the same time. I believe that’s the beauty of having the heart of Christ. To feel it all…and no matter what, knowing he has it. The surrendering is hard–but oh, so worth it! We know! Much love, dear Mama K. I’m praying for you both.
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You are a precious angel, placed on this planet to inspire, encourage and share God’s grace with all those who struggle with one thing or another. I always find healing in your beautiful wings and loving words❤️
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