Have you ever felt this way? You feel completely alone. Your life is close to its end. You seem to have lost your way. Even though you know that God is right beside you, you think He isn’t really listening to you or your prayers. I think we all experience this at some time or another. When the world closes in and life seems overwhelming, there often is this feeling of complete isolation.
This morning I opened my computer and forgot why. I was about to take my pills for the day and couldn’t remember if I had already taken them. I looked in the mirror and saw the reflection of my mother and almost thought for a moment that she was actually in my bathroom. We could’ve had quite a conversation, but then I realized that she’s been gone for several years now. Imagine my shock when I realized it was me staring at me.
When I was a young woman, these things were called being forgetful and a klutz. Now it’s a result of age. My thoughts of the years after retirement are like those fleeting moments when we completely dislodge from reality and go into the twilight zone – that new horizon where your skin loses its elasticity and shrivels up – our eyes fail, hearing fades and we are considered addled by time – in other words OLD!
When you go in for a physical you’re asked if you feel safe at home – do you fall – do you have someone to care for you. They seem to think you’re ready to go out to pasture and leave the world in a week.
In my opinion, growing old means more than being able to pee, sneeze and laugh at the same time. It means you’ve collected a lifetime of experiences – made it longer than most of your friends and still have moments of lucidity. You also realize that soon you will be in heaven and none of this other stuff really matters.
In the meantime, God has a reason for keeping you on this planet and it’s up to you to find out why. He gives you a free will to decide what you’re going to do with the rest of it. If you prefer staring out into space, go for it, but I can guarantee you this isn’t a good way to look at the rest of your days.