THE APPLE DOESN’T FALL FAR FROM THE TREE

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I’ve been thinking about all the sexual harassment and abuse we’ve be inundated with for the past few months and trying to put together a meaningful take on it.  I know that no matter what I’m going to say will offend some folks, while others will completely understand and support my thinking.  I don’t like rejection, which is why I have difficulty submitting any of my work for publication.  I’m generally a nice person who doesn’t like to make enemies, but these are some of my thoughts.

Ever since the 1960’s sexual revolution, when women burned they bras, because they refused to be encumbered by anything, we’ve seen a lack of modesty.  Over the decades this death of innocence has become the norm.  Young girls in their tweens are wearing clothing that accentuates their blossoming bodies and think nothing of it.  Virtue, humility, demureness are words seldom acknowledged today.

At the same time, young boys are exposed to half dressed, voluptuous women in the movies, on TV, on the internet and at their schools.  Things that were taboo at the turn of the twentieth century are appropriate today.  Bank tellers, cashiers, news reporters, women in business have no qualms about wearing revealing clothing in the workplace.  It too has become the norm.

The family unit has changed radically over time.  Often children have more than two parents.  Many times, there is only one parent laying the ground work.  In any case, the children are getting mixed messages on how they should behave.

Fathers have taken on a different role as well.  They used to be the spiritual leaders, sole bread winners, disciplinarians, counselors, and providers of a financial future for their family.  Today dads are often not even in the picture.

I have totally digressed from my intended topic, but I feel all of this has a bearing on the events taking place all across our land.  How we teach our children to respect themselves and others will determine how they behave in the future.  Parents have them under their roofs for such a short time, but in that time they’re behavior is being shaped.

Most importantly, it’s up to the parent/s to be the role model for their children.  Unfortunately kids don’t come with an instruction manual and often parenting is a matter of learning as you go.  Here are things that we should be talking with our children about as soon as they can understand.

  • ThGod is the head of the family and He should be shown the respect He deserves.
  • Modesty – they will imitate what you wear, by the way, because you are their hero.
  • Respect for parents, self and others.
  • Manners should be reintroduced into the curriculum for child rearing.
  • The should learn what is inappropriate behavior from others, including words and touch.
  • Talk about sexual immorality.
  • Encourage your children to vocalize their fears, their uncomfortable feelings, their misconceptions, their ability to trust.
  • Keep the lines of communication open all the time – I’m talking face to face. Build that relationship early on.
  • Be available, encourage, give them the tools they need to deal with social issues
  • LISTEN!

Here are some Bible passages that might help.

1 Peter 3:3-4 talks about modesty.  Phillipians 2:3 refers to respect.  Regarding sexual immorality refer to 1 Corinthians 6:18.  Exodus 20:12 and Romans 12:12 talks about honoring others.

It’s hard to imagine that we’re raising a clone, but actually that’s what happening in those 18 years of their lives.  Their first hero is their parent.  You are setting the bar.  Are you living up to your responsibility?

 

 

 

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About atimetoshare.me

As I reach the end of my years, I find I have a lot of good information stored up in this old decrepit mind of mine. If I don't write it all down, it may vanish and no one will have the advantage of my thoughts. This is why this blog exists. I love the Lord, Jesus with all my heart and soul. I know I'm undeserving of all He's done for me, but I also know that His love is beyond my comprehension. I've always wanted to write. I never kept diaries, but tucked my thoughts in my head for future reference. I use them now in creating stories, plays, poetry and my blog. I continue to learn every day. I believe the compilation of our time spent with God will have huge affect on the way we live. I know I'm a sinner and I need a Savior. I have One through Jesus, Christ. My book, "Stages - a memoir," is about the seven stages of life from the perspective of a woman. It addresses all the things girls and women go through in life as they travel it with Jesus, and it is available on Amazon.com.
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19 Responses to THE APPLE DOESN’T FALL FAR FROM THE TREE

  1. Lee Poskey says:

    Every word of this is appropriate. You posted a good thing Kathy.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Kathy—I was reading this on my phone at the dentist office but felt I needed to get back home to my computer to really read your words up close and personal rather than squinting on a phone.

    You are so on point with your thoughts and your words.

    That whole “sexual revolution” was a bunch of nails in a coffin just waiting to be shut.

    Here I am a woman, you too, and I think that whole thing was and is a bunch of crap.

    Those goddesses of all things feminism such as Steinem et el, have merely been those who held the keys to Pandora’s box which they’ve opened and closed with glee…at the expense of the family unit and what it truly means to be a “lady”…

    Men have been greatly demasculinized and neutered, if you will, in regards to their defined roles…as in they no longer know their role, their place in the lives of women.

    That whole “I am woman hear me roar” crap is all fine and good but it has silenced the role man is to play in the life of a woman—be it nurturing father, protecting brother, growing son, head of the household husband.

    I’m not saying men have always lived up to their “role” in all of this, but the 60’s movement did not help. Rather it allowed room for excuses and lies…

    And now in walks the homosexual revolution…and the family unit, as God had originally intended, is now flung far out the window—-

    Oh I could go on and on.. but I best not.
    Just know, you are correct!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Amen. I agree with everything you have said.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Absolutely! You have written an excellent analysis and offer such practical wisdom here, Kathy!

    Liked by 1 person

    • atimetoshare.me says:

      Thanks, Lynn. Life doesn’t have to be brain surgery if the foundation has already been laid. God is the head of mankind, man is responsible for his wife and children. If they all work together, they can’t lose. We need to get back to the basics once more,

      Like

  5. Lady Quixote says:

    When it comes to morality, there is nothing new under the sun. Sin is sin. It started way back in the garden of Eden.

    One person’s sin is never an excuse for another person’s sin. The man said “The woman You gave me, talked me into eating the forbidden fruit.” The woman said “The serpent enticed me.” Yet God held each one responsible for their own sin.

    Yes, Kathy, as you rightly point out, women dressing immodestly is sinful. Yes, absolutely, pornography is sinful. And yes, the breakdown of the family is sinful.

    Sexual harassment, sexual molestation, and rape are also sinful.

    Are sexual sins of harassment, molestation, and rape caused by women dressing immodestly, caused by pornography, and caused by the breakdown of the family? No — no more than the serpent caused Eve to sin, and no more than Eve caused Adam to sin.

    When I was an adolescent, I was painfully shy and extremely modest. I would almost have rather died than to show off my body.

    When I was twelve, my father, the pastor of a church, grabbed my shoulders one day and, while looking intently into my eyes, he said “I don’t care if it is wrong, I love you anyway!” Then he kissed me, hard and long, on my mouth. “Don’t tell your mother!” he said when he released me.

    I was confused. I was so naive, I did not yet know what sex was. I grew up without a TV and we did not go to movies because my preacher father said those things were sinful. I knew that my baby brothers were different “down there” than my baby sisters and me, because I changed their diapers. But I had no clue what the difference was FOR. So, when my dad said “I don’t care if it’s wrong, I love you anyway,” it made no sense to me. Weren’t parents supposed to love their kids? And why wasn’t I supposed to tell my mom?

    More than a year later, when I was 13, my dad shoved his hand down inside the front of my modest dress, and tried to fondle my breast. By this time, I did know what sex was and I knew that what my father was doing was very wrong. And I fought him off.

    Then my enraged father told my stepmother, his new wife, who then told my mother, the huge lie that I had flaunted my body at him. God knows that was a lie from the pit of hell! But my stepmother, a psychiatric nurse, no less, who had met him when he was a psychiatric patient, stupidly believed him. She got very drunk a few nights later and came over to our house, where she screamed at me and threatened me and told me to stay away from my father, because I was “ruining her marriage.”

    Then my mother, who also stupidly believed my lying abusive pedophile father, told me to stay away from the man she was dating, lest he should be overcome with lust, too.

    Did I mention that I was extremely shy, extremely modest, and only 13?

    When I was 14, I had a post traumatic nervous breakdown, caused by these and countless other childhood traumas.

    The year was 1968 when I had my breakdown. Unfortunately, PTSD did not become an official psychiatric diagnosis until 1980. I was given the default diagnosis of that era, which was schizophrenia.

    I have had numerous doctors and therapists tell me over the past almost 50 years that I must have been badly misdiagnosed, because there is nothing schizophrenic about me. Be that as it may, in 1968, when I was 14 years old, I was labelled a schizophrenic. And so, as was the custom in that time, I was put in a state insane asylum.

    A few months into my 2 year stay in bedlam, a psychiatrist tried to sexually molest me. Again, I was dressed very modestly, in clothes that the adults in charge of my life had given me to wear. I was still very shy, and in no way did I flaunt myself or try to entice the psychiatrist, who seemed very ancient to me, being even older than my parents. When he put his hand under my dress and inside my underpants, I pushed his hand away. Then I reported what he had done to a nurse. The psychiatrist then wrote in my medical chart that I was a pathological liar, in addition to having schizophrenia.

    The next time the doctor molested me, he drugged me first with some kind of fast-acting pills. I was very sleepy, but I still managed to fight him off. Then he injected me with something in a syringe. I soon became semi conscious, too weak to fight him off. And then he raped me.

    The psychiatrist drugged and raped me several times. Three times, I think, maybe four. He told me that I would never be well until I admitted that I wanted it, too. But I did not want it, he was hurting me! He also told me that if I ever again told anyone about what he was doing to me, that he would “stick me in a hole so far that I would never see the light of day again.”

    The last time that he drugged and raped me, he must have given me too much of the drug, because my chest felt like an elephant was on it, and then my heart apparently stopped. My soul seemed to leave my body.

    Two nurses found me unconscious on the floor. I felt like I was floating up above my body, above their heads, near the ceiling. I heard one nurse say “I can’t find a pulse.” I heard the other nurse say “Her lips are blue.” Then suddenly I was back inside my body. I opened my eyes and tried to talk, but couldn’t.

    The two nurses walked me up and down the long hallway between them, back and forth, back and forth, chatting to each other about their lives, for what seemed like at least an hour. Finally I revived enough to ask to go to the restroom.

    One nurse accompanied me to the restroom while the other nurse went to their office to do something. The nurse that went with me to the lavatory was shocked when I pulled down my semen-covered underwear. She ran and got the other nurse, who then also saw my underwear.

    They knew that I had been in the doctor’s office for a private “therapy session” prior to my being found unconscious on the floor with my underwear full of semen. The nurses called and reported everything to the police. Then the police searched the doctor’s office for evidence. In the doctor’s desk drawers, they found tape recordings that he had made of his rapes. The nurses told me that I wasn’t the only rape victim. They said there were males as well as female victims.

    A day or so after the doctor’s arrest, a psychiatrist friend of his, who had temporarily taken over the ward until a new doctor could be hired, called me into his office. After closing the door, this doctor cursed me out, accusing me of “enticing” the “wonderful doctor” and “ruining his life” with my “young body.” He said, “I suppose you want to screw me now, too, on my office floor!” I was too broken to even speak. Then he cursed me some more, and sent me out of his office.

    Did I mention that I was just 15, I was extremely shy, and I dressed very modestly in clothes that I did not even get to choose for myself? The few dresses I owned were all given to me to wear, and none of them were in any way “sexy” or “slutty.”

    Later that same week, a counselor pulled me out of the mental institution’s high school class that I was taking, and berated me for using my “unbridled sexuality” to destroy the life of a “wonderful doctor.” That same night, a nurse, who apparently did not believe the two nurses who had found me virtually dead with my underwear full of semen, also berated me.

    And then I hung myself. Today I thank God that the substantial-looking pipe that I hung myself from, broke with my slight weight!

    Almost a year later, I was finally released from the insane asylum. A few months after this, the counselor who had pulled me out of class to berate me for ruining the life of a wonderful doctor, drove over 200 miles round trip, more than 5 hours of driving, to apologize to me in person for his false accusations.

    The truth had apparently come out, at long last, in court.

    After that, the rapist psychiatrist committed suicide.

    I am in no way responsible for that evil doctor raping me. I am in no way responsible for that evil doctor almost killing me. And I am in no way responsible for that evil doctor’s suicide.

    In the nearly 50 years that have gone by since I went through these things, before I gave my life to the Lord 14 years ago, I committed some really awful sins. I would like to blame the rapist psychiatrist and all his finger-wagging friends, for my sins. I would also like to blame my extremely abusive parents for my many sins. But I know better. The blame game did not work with Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden, and it does not work today.

    I “liked” your post, dear Kathy, because I do agree that women and girls dressing immodestly is sinful. I agree that pornography is sinful. I agree that the breakdown of the family is sinful. And I agree that homosexuality and confused gender roles are also sinful.

    However, I do not agree with what this post seems to imply, beyond the simple fact that these things are sin. I do not agree that the sins of sexual harassment, sexual molestation, and rape, are caused by the victims’ sins.

    Too many people — including, and especially, sexual abusers — like to Blame The Victims of sexual abuse. I was blamed — but I know before God that I was NOT to blame in any way, when my father molested me. I was blamed — but I know before God that I was NOT to blame in any way, when my psychiatrist drugged and raped me multiply times. I was so devastated by people blaming me for my own abuse, that I gave up on life and hung myself.

    Words carry the power of life and death! I don’t want anyone who has been sexually molested or raped, to read this post and feel like it’s the last straw and they can’t take it anymore.

    Eve did not make Adam sin, Adam made Adam sin.

    The serpent did not make Eve sin, Eve made Eve sin.

    But the Great News is that God’s grace, through the shed blood of his only begotten son, the Lord Jesus Christ, can cover all sin — if only we will believe and receive! Hallelujah!!

    The answer to the sin problem in this world is Jesus. The answer is not in reassigning blame, it is Jesus. I know you know this, Kathy. But this post does not make that clear, at least not to someone with my background.

    God bless.

    Liked by 1 person

    • atimetoshare.me says:

      I am deeply sorry to have offended you Linda. As you stated, all sin in the sight of God the Father is wrong, but because of his love and the sacrifice of his Son we have been washed clean of all sin. It was not my intention to stand in judgement, but to offer suggestions, I am in no way an expert and feel horrible if it seems that I’m trying to blame the victim. Thank you for calling me out on this.

      Your story is one of true abuse. I can’t begin to imagine the pain you endured for so many years, but rejoice with you that you’ve been able to overcome that pain through Jesus.

      I know that many young men and women are suffering with the secrets they’ve been forced to hide, because of the evil desires of their perpetrators. I am so sad that your life and that of others had to be cut short by so many who took advantage of you.

      I am troubled that so many are now coming into the open with their stories – not only because I never was physically abused, but that the numbers seem to soar when there is a need for sensationalism or a means to destroy someone. It makes it especially hard for those who have endured things similar to what you lived with for a greater part of your life.

      This is a serious topic which has been swept under the rug since the beginning of time. I know it must be resolved somehow. I have no answers. I have no experience to draw on other than God’s promises in a sinful world. I am as much a sinner as anyone and don’t deserve God’s grace, but he gives it freely.

      My hope with this post was to give patents some ideas in how to teach their children how to show respect to others with respect to God’s Word. I still firmly believe that it begins in the home. Unfortunately the home has become the starting point for
      Much of that abuse. Your story is a true example of that.

      You are so wise in saying that there is nothing new under the sun. This topic will probably never be resolved, but I pray that your story and others will find refuge in Jesus.

      Again, please accept my apologies and for setting me straight. I would. Ever want

      Liked by 1 person

    • atimetoshare.me says:

      I would never want to cause another to stumble because of my words.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Lady Quixote says:

        You are wonderful, Kathy. A true sister in Christ. Thank you so much. Your apology is gratefully accepted. I know you did not mean this post as a slam against victims of abuse. If anything I wrote here was hurtful to you, please forgive me as well. When my trauma memories are triggered, I don’t always know if my reaction is out of line.

        This is a sensitive subject for me, as I am sure you can imagine. I have taken a total break from the blogging world since I wrote my lengthy comment here. I needed the break, especially with a death in the family that occurred a few days before Thanksgiving — a very distant 90 yr old ex mother in-law — followed the very next day by some truly evil arguing over who was going to pay for the cremation. And, as if that wasn’t enough, my dr told me that same week that I have 2 autoimmune disorders. So…. no wonder I have been so tired!

        Apparently, autoimmune disorders are common amongst people with PTSD stemming from multiple childhood traumas. The gift that keeps on giving! But God is awesome and His mercy endures forever! ❤

        Liked by 1 person

      • atimetoshare.me says:

        Thanks, Linda. I wasn’t hurt by your comment. Like I said, I can’t begin to imagine the turmoil which continues to haunt. I wish I knew how to help. I am proud to call you friend – to know that you’re a survivor and a warrior for Christ and those who have suffered abuse. May God continue to heal you and use you for his glory. I will keep you in my prayers for your health concerns also. God’s plans are always good. May the blessings of Advent prepare you for Jesus second coming.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Lady Quixote says:

        Thank you! God bless and Merry Christmas. ❤

        Liked by 1 person

      • atimetoshare.me says:

        Christmas blessings to you my friend❤️

        Like

  6. Kathy, I think you have spoken appropriately. I am so sad that Lady Quixote had to endure what she did. I did not take your blog post as portraying victims of abuse as bringing it on themselves. I guess I looked at it more like you were saying that because all the morality and rules had been stripped away; some people have no qualms about molesting others.

    Liked by 1 person

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